I am a high school student and I compete in Lincoln Douglas debate, a competition where two individuals argue either supporting or disagreeing with a given topic. Debate is a largely male-dominated activity and it isn’t easy to be a girl in a male-dominated competition, especially one that so heavily relies on how you present yourself. I’ve been told I’ve “dressed too casually” for wearing a crewneck, dress pants, and heels in a chilly classroom while a boy, in a hoodie, loose khakis, and sneakers, was fine. I’ve been criticized for “interrupting” the male debater that wasn’t letting me get in a word. I’ve heard debaters complain that they can’t believe they lost to a female debater. I’ve had my hair yanked as a “greeting” by a guy I barely knew. These are the small things and I’m lucky that I haven’t had to go through anything serious - although none of these should have happened to begin with. Competitive debate is set in a larger structure where male debaters that are competitively successful form tight groups and exclude and put down other successful female debaters. Not only does this make female debaters feel left out, but it also left me with an immense amount of pressure as a female debater to do well successfully to prove myself to the men on the team.
I used to think that it was fine, that I could just ignore it, grit my teeth and pull through, and that it was just that one small thing, but small things can add up. One comment, one glance, one lower score can all add up and feel like a mountain that weighs me down. I felt very isolated and overwhelmed. I was fortunate to have a few incredible friends that I could rely on and rant to and I think that system of support is important to staying mentally healthy. It’s important that you’re not adding a rock to someone else’s mountain, but rather that the two of you are pushing each other to keep going despite that mountain. To this day, I still have my bad and good days and I still struggle with speaking up for myself when someone adds another pebble to that mountain. I need to take a break sometimes and that’s okay. I need to talk with a friend sometimes or have a good cry and that’s okay too. I’ve seriously contemplated leaving the activity several times, and although I never actually did, if you decide that’s the right path for you to take, there is nothing wrong with that. There is a stigma against girls leaving the activity - as if it’s somehow a sign of weakness that you weren’t “strong” enough to endure the toxic environment. Ironic, considering that the environment is structured to keep non-cis-white-men out of the activity. However, your mental health comes first no matter what. Prioritizing your mental health is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength and it takes incredible bravery. Just know, no matter what, there are always people who are there for you and no matter how isolated you feel, you are never alone.